hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
