she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
