Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
