He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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