My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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