nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
