Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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