Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
