I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
