they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
