would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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