she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
