I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
