i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
