Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
