Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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