An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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