I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
