you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Randomize
