Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I need water and some morals
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
