i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
