i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
