I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
