i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize