Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
