I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize