I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My vagina just clenched in fear
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