the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Randomize
