I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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