i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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