"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
