every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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