What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
