Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I am mentally ready for anal.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
