ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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