Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
