so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
