she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
