I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
