Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
