just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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