Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
