I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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