um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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