My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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