I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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