I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
