Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
