found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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