Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
