my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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