She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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