She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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