If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
