I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
