Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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