Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
