you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
