I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
